writing

WHY-ISMS

Why do some people leave their house dark and papers piled on their lawn when they go away? It looks like open season for even the dumbest thug to realize the owner’s absent and it’s okay to break in their house.

Why do people purchase dogs, then leave them in crates while they’re at work for 8-9 hours? Why even buy a dog when your time spent with it is extremely limited. Dogs are not objects of desire to be ignored. They have feelings – depression, loneliness, pain and sorrow.

Reasoning with a dog is like reasoning with a child. If your female gets knocked up by a male, spay both. Don’t take the female and drive her miles into the country and abandon her. In fact, you shouldn’t own dogs at all. Or children, for that matter.

For those parents who love a houseful of 10 or more children, you’re only kidding yourselves when you say the kids love it too. Guess what? I know a girl who was the 7th child of 12. 12. She hated sharing her room, wearing hand me down clothes, never getting a moment alone with her mother, hot dogs and canned beans every Monday, scrambled eggs on Tuesdays, spaghetti every Wednesday, and fish on Fridays. At age 52, by choice, she is married and childless.

Why do people leave their outside lights on all night? It seems they are giving robbers clear vision of where to break in.

Why do BMW drivers think the road is an open raceway, and when they gun their engines behind a driver in the slow lane, they act like they own the road? Not only are BMW drivers aggressive, but also dangerous, often distracted by their hand held phones, food, or, mentally, in another world.

Why do Subaru drivers wear Birkenstocks, place decals “Save the World” on their rear windows, and prefer camping out to turn-down service?

Why do you rarely see a new VW on the road? Because, as well built cars, owners drive them to death?

Why do old people drive cars that are white or flesh? When you turn 60, you decide you can do anything you want.

DOCTORS:
While most physicians are caring, empathetic and right on diagnosticians, part of them keep you waiting for hours in their office. They bring in magazines from home – Golf World, Field and Stream, and WebMD. Doctors may live like kings at home, but their offices are offer the barest of essentials. Paper gowns, rubber flowers, and no free samples anymore.

Timing is everything, but doctors don’t care that you have a life. If you call in sick, they expect you in their office within an hour. Never mind that you went to work anyway.

The Worst offenders of scheduling and keeping you waiting are:

OBGYNs – reason? Because they are delivering babies. If you are no longer in that mode, switch to a gynecologist instead. ORTHOPEDISTS: some orthopedists schedule a patient every fifteen minutes, in case one doesn’t keep their appointment, but then spend 30-45 minutes with one patient, xRaying, casting, splinting, reading their patient the riot act about recovery. GASTROENTEROLOGISTs: the vast age group of patients in GE offices are Medicare patients who enjoy talking about their bowels. The time of day they especially schedule themselves for such an appointment is 11 am. Why? If you live to be 77 years old without any calamities, you get worried. And, fixated. They are especially worried about their bowels. They could talk all day long about how often they “go”, and when they stop. By 11 am, they’ve had their morning constitutional, and are ready to describe it. ENDOCRINOLOGISTS: God Bless Them. They often don’t see a diabetic patient until that person’s blood sugar is so out of control, the patient is nearly dead. An endocrinologist can only do so much to convince a woman that her hair loss, weight loss and fatigue is due to a non-working thyroid, not stress. Osteoporosis is what happens if you don’t take your anti-osteoporosis medicine, plus twice daily calcium. PRIMARY CARE DOCTORS: depending on Obamacare, private pay Gucci doctors, or HMO clinics, to see a primary care physician, some days the waiting room is empty, and sometimes you take a number like in a deli. I personally prefer an appointment, because I’m not a patient patient. CARDIOLOGISTS: a cardiologist spends most of his time either operating or in an ER, but he keeps office hours for post- and pre- op patients. At first, if you were saved from death in an ambulance, you don’t want your cardiologist criticized. But such doctors are all business and not the most comedic conversationalists. If you’re eternally grateful, praise him constantly; he’s used to acting like God.

blog
Enough about doctors.

Why does a dog turn around three times before dumping a load of shit?
Some dogs won’t poop on their own turf, some like to squat in a bed of ivy, and some dogs who are one and the same with Mother Earth need to circle the ground before letting go their daily constitutional. It’s a form of nesting.

Why do people find it funny to video their babies climbing on dogs, pulling their ears, and poking them in the eyes?
What might be more interesting is watching the poor tortured dog turn on its tormentor. But most female dogs treat human babies like dog babies, mothering anyone or anything in need.

What goes through the minds of men who steal dogs or buy them from animal shelters, starve them, beat them, and then force them to fight each other?
The only punishment I see fit for pigs like these is to throw them into a pig pen at feeding time. Let them “embrace” the pain of being torn apart.

Why don’t more parents put parental controls on their children’s social media devices? Isn’t that better than burying your beloved 12 year old who jumped off a roof because she was bullied on Facebook?

Why do men beg on street corners when there are so many helping up missions in Baltimore City?
Begging on street corners is non taxable income, sometimes topping a yearly income of $40,000. Often the limp and single crutch is a ruse. Follow the man at the end of the day and see where he lives. Probably in a home as nice as yours.

Alcoholism.
It is not a disease, it is an addiction. Doctors clump it together with drug addiction, smoking and OCD. An addiction is also a choice made by you. A very bad choice when it affects other people’s lives. If Alcoholism were declared a disease, and an alcoholic drove drunk and killed someone, lawyers would have a hay day proving their client couldn’t control himself because of his disease. Pray this never happens.

Why is it so hard to lose weight?
Why is it so easy to gain it?

How can you lose things in your own home?
Poltergeists.

Why do criminals who rob a bank get sentences of up to 50 years, but those who kill earn parole after 8 years?
Maybe the law should follow the Bible. An eye for an eye, cheek for a cheek, life for a life.

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4 thoughts on “WHY-ISMS”

  1. Good one! I Agree with most if not all, and share your frustration at the whole physician office waiting game. UGH! If a lawyer made clients wait, they’d have no business. Did you break something?

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